Ugh, I know. This sounds like clickbait. Although my life is a series of cringe-worthy scenarios this is as bad as it gets.

I’m a housekeeper with a Bachelor’s Degree. To be exact, 1 semester away from a Master’s Degree and here I am, scrubbing rich people’s shit from the toilet. Pardon my French, but at this point vulgarity is unavoidable due to frustration I’ve been feeling over the past 5 years of my life seeming like a complete waste of time.
Thought I’d start on a pessimistic and whiney note just to remind you that hey, after all, I am a Millennial.
To understand my frustration you have to get a front row seat to a few shortened chapters of my life that eventually contributed to today’s situation.

So buckle up, we’re crashing.

CHAPTER 1: BLOOD IN MY VEINS

As a child of blue and pink collar workers one thing I’ve constantly been reminded of was the importance of going to college – one thing my parents saw as an escape from the life they had. They never wanted me to follow in their footsteps and honestly, neither did I.

I could see them struggling, be it physically, financially and eventually, due to the mix of both – mentally. This eventually put a strain on their relationship, leading to divorce and our whole family suffering a series of unfortunate events ever since. Not as tragic as those of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire but unfortunate enough to make some of us closer and some of us more distant than ever – a story for another time.

Now, whenever I hear somebody say “MoNey cAn’t BuY HapPiNEss” I honestly want to sew their mouths shut just to make sure I don’t ever hear those words again.

Money, or the lack of, to me seems like a source of most problems in my life and the lives of those closest to me.  Keep in mind that I’m not saying money would’ve saved my parents or any other relationship but it could’ve made many things easier for us as a family and more importantly, individuals. This is where Chapter 3 comes in. A chapter that has money written all over it. But before going straight to the money, let me introduce you to a little throwback Thursday moment, essential for the rest of slippery slope called My life.

CHAPTER 2: WELCOME TO THE WHAT-THE-FUCK TIME

Hi,
Welcome to the uphill battle for what will in a few years become a perfect setup for a downhill wreck – High School.

Let’s go back to the very first day of High School. At the time, new places and a lot of new faces were a perfect breeding ground for my anxiety. It was a time I wouldn’t spend talking too much but rather observing.
Except remembering the first day for meeting people that soon became my favourite beings in the whole universe, I’ll always remember those crowds of people, specifically Seniors.
Here we were, young, unexperienced and lost little people, every day crossing paths with these amazing Seniors who looked so grown up, put together and at ease. Little did I know, we’d all grow up to be them, and fast. In snap of fingers, there I was, all grown up minus put together and at ease. I kept wondering how in the world did I get this image of them being so mature when I knew it simply wasn’t possible. They had to have felt the same way we all feel now. I had a thousand question marks above my head.

If I had to choose a High School to go to knowing what I know now I wouldn’t make the same choice. Not that I made it myself the first time around. I was heavily influenced by my parents’ fear of going to good school which would give me better college options. I’d cling for the little creativity the High School didn’t kill in me and my mom saw it throughout the years. I was great at drawing, writing, storytelling, fashion, dancing and much more. Over the years it faded since the High School I went to was “science based” with focus being on subjects like Math, Chemistry, Physics and Biology. Today my mom expresses regret over not letting me to go to art school. Back then there was a stigma around Art High School that “lesser kids” go there, only “intelligent kids” went to Gymnasium High Schools. Oh, what I’d have given to be one of the lesser ones. I’d wear that “L” on my forehead proudly.

Fast forward almost 6 years later and here we are, again. Even more grown up, even less put together and at ease plus those same thousand question marks above my head multiplied by another thousand what-the-fucks.
Ah, the mix of question marks and the what-the-fucks birthed wondrous concoction called chronic gastritis. I guess that brings up its creator, the next chapter known as College, next.

CHAPTER 3: COLLEGE

If you remember my parents planting the thought seed of going to college then you can imagine that all I could think about was getting that diploma, a stupid piece of paper which would validate that I’ve made it and somehow erase all my worries and problems.

There are two things you need to know:
Number 1 is that my family had no money to send me to study somewhere outside my hometown, a fact which immediately cut choices of studies in half.
Out of that half, half are private colleges and half are public.
Which brings us to Number 2 of our things to know – Public colleges are free.

With extremely limited choice of fields to study I chose to study Marketing at a Public College in my hometown. The way I looked at it was as if it wasn’t the worst of situations – other 400 kids, 2 out of which were my best friends, had the same fate.

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I have to stop you before you get too excited about this pinch of optimism – the first year passes by and some things start coming into a realization.
I realized that I’m at college out of fear. I’m studying something that doesn’t really interest me the most. I’m studying at a place where education is free.

Yes, I say that free education is problematic, in this case. Now, take a breath, keep on reading and don’t think yet, why is she whining about FREE education?

In my second year of college, I’m taught by professors who based our knowledge on books dating to 1980’s, one of which stated that the Internet is NOT yet that advanced and can’t be profitably implemented in any aspect of Marketing. This means mobile marketing, ads, e-mails – everything we today know to be an aspect of or often identify as Marketing. You don’t have to be a Marketing whiz to know that in 2020 this is farthest from the truth. With public collages it’s you get what you pay for. You pay nothing, you get nothing. No money, no knowledge. I thought that I hit the lowest point in my life at that time. This wasn’t what I wanted to study and I felt like I wasn’t learning anything of value. Sometimes, I still do.

I know that this all seems utterly pessimistic because well, it really is, so it might come as a surprise that I wasn’t always this way. On my second try at a second year of college I got bored of being what I would soon become again in the future – pessimistic. I put all my strength into creating as much value I can as a student. Suddenly, I wasn’t at college just to be there, I became an active part of the student community. That year I became a Student Assistant for 2 amazing English Professors. I became a member of Marketing team at one of Student Associations.
My projects at College would always receive a praise and top places. I competed in online competitions and won first places.
At that point my motivation didn’t stem from my parent’s „have to go to college“ seed but rather from my own willingness which never gives up and always keeps me going. A spark which causes a damn firestorm. My life did really turn around.

I honestly did think that the only way I could go from here is up.

CHAPTER 4: CIRCLE OF LIFE

*Enter 20th Century Fox Intro*

It was Summer of 2019. I moved to Dublin with my boyfriend. I’m working in a 5 star hotel. Yay me, a 5 star hotel.

*Enter a damn moment of silence for all the hard work I put in College*

My back hurts, my whole body is stiff and I’m mentally drained by working as a housekeeper. Yay me, a housekeeper.

Ah, the beautifully crafted unescapable pink/blue collar circle. We’re back at the starting point and scrubbing toilets for a living.

A while back in February, when housekeeping wasn’t even a thought that had crossed my mind, I started applying jobs for Marketing Interns and Assistants in Dublin because at that point I knew I’d be spending my Summer there.
None of my applications from back home were successful but I thought once we’ve moved to Dublin and started living there it’d be easier.

First two weeks passed by and it was then that we realised this will be way harder than we initially thought. No call back for the simplest of jobs. Then we both got a call for the same hotel and thought that it’d be an okay starting point, and we really needed the money. We accepted the housekeeping positions. I planned on it being a ‘short-term’ thing. Short-term as in 2 months tops.
7 months later, I was still doing it. 7 and a half months later I quit and went back to College for exams.

Since February 2019 to January 2020 I applied over 250 jobs that were paid anywhere from €300 a month to €2,100. I can’t say I’m better than anybody else who was my contender for the applied positions. I can say that my English is advanced, I bleed creativity and sweat patience and diligence. I can confidently say I’m worth being given a chance, one that I’d prove myself worthy at.

To finally get to the answer of why I’m a Housekeeper with a Bachelor’s Degree – no clue. If there’s somebody who can explain what went wrong, I’m open to suggestions and criticism. Until then, we’ll blame it on the circle of poverty, inexperience and lack of luck.

CHAPTER 5: THE TRANQUILITY OF DISTRESS

Imagine Distress and me as symbiotes. Distress is never hungry in my life. It gets my nerves, some organs and pieces of my soul. I however, get strength and more determination from each situation Distress puts me through. Learning how to live with it keeps me going. As much as I hate everything I go through because of It, I’m also thankful knowing I wouldn’t be myself without it.

It caused a lot of downfalls but has made me even more creative, savvy and shrewd. Without It, I’d be happy with what I have and wouldn’t realise that sharing my stories and creating content would make me as happy as it does.

Can’t say this will lead somewhere but I can say I’ll just keep on pushing to get to my goal even if I have to create those opportunities myself.

 

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3 Comments

  1. That ma’am is society kicking you down. Damned to live rough because of social status and lack of money…I’m 21 and I’m in the same boat as you. Nice to meet you!

    Like

    1. I know, it just sucks feeling helpless..especially when you think you’re doing everything by the book and keep on waiting for your luck to turn around. Can’t do nothing but keep on grabbing it by the balls lol Good luck to you girl, hopefully it’ll turn around for some of us!

      Liked by 1 person

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